One Week Anniversary

Today marks my one week anniversary of being a SAHM. It’s been a roller coaster already! Ella is doing much better, thanks for all of your prayers. Tuesday night she started perking up, and by Wednesday she was doing significantly better. Thursday she was able to go back to school!

Yesterday was a big day for the Murray’s. Ella went to church school all by herself! Yep, no mommy, no daddy and no Metti. Just her in a class with the teachers and other kids. This is a big deal! That was the first time in her whole life (pretty much) that Ella was somewhere without Metti, Joe or I there with her. I’ve been in close communication with her teacher and the preschool directors (let’s face it…they’re probably sick of me) and we all decided that we would give Ella a shot at going to class alone. So on Thursday I walked her to class and dropped her off, just like all of the other kids parents do. It was a leap of faith, but I did it…without tears! Then I spent the rest of the day sitting near the church with my cell phone in hand, just in case they needed me. J It wasn’t as pathetic as it sounds. It was actually really peaceful. I sat outside in the beautiful weather with my mom for an hour until her friend came to pick her up for lunch, then I went in the car and read some magazines that I had gotten from the church. I don’t have a lot of time to just sit and read, so it was pretty relaxing.

When I dropped Ella off I had told the teacher and the assistant that Ella’s eye was still really sun sensitive, so she might not want to go outside to play (she kept her eyes closed the whole ride over there because she said it was too bright), and if that was the case, just give me a call and I’d come get her. Well, around 12:30 I went inside to go to the bathroom. Of course I got to talking to some friends, and next thing I know I see a sweet little Stinkerella walking toward me. Just like I had predicted, she didn’t want to go outside to play, so the assistant was walking around and found me. So she only stayed 3 hours, but I thought that was pretty good for being gone 2 days and still recovering from a hurt eye. They said that all in all she did great in class.

I’m still going to stick close to the church next week, but I may get more adventurous and go to Starbucks down the street. The truth is that our house is only about 15 minutes from the church, so even if I came home and something happened, I would still be able to get there pretty quickly. I just like the assurance that I’m right there if she gets hurt.

Wednesday I interviewed someone to temporarily help out while Metti is gone. I can’t begin to explain how difficult it is to have a stranger come into your house for several hours a day, and take care of your most prized possession (Ella) and have everything you own right at their fingertips. I don’t think anyone can fully understand how vulnerable it makes you feel, unless they’ve been there. So I met with someone who was interested, but something about her just didn’t sit well. It was weird, and when I took her downstairs to meet Ella she stayed for a few minutes, then stood up and said, “Ok, thank you. I can see myself out.” Well, ok then. Joe and I decided that I’d call the agency and interview someone else. Well, today the agency called and apparently the woman I met with wasn’t interested anyway, so it all worked out. I’m supposed to talk with another candidate soon. Please pray that we find someone who I feel good about. This is just temporary while Metti is gone, but this person will still be taking care of Ella and I want to make sure I feel good about them being in our house.

Despite caring for a little girl who wasn’t feeling too hot, and spending a majority of our time cooped up in the house, the week at home was good. I’m especially glad that I was the one to care for Ella while she was sick, instead of sitting at work wondering if she was ok. And I’m so glad that I get to hang out with my mom while she’s here. I used to just leave her at the house with Metti while I went to work, and maybe I’d take 1 or 2 days off for us to do something. Now I get to actually spend time with her, which is a lot of fun. This afternoon Ella has planned for us to make chocolate chip cookies. We’ll see how that goes.

One of those days

I’m having one of those weeks where I really hate EB…I mean REALLY hate it! Poor Ella is having a rough time. For starters, her skin looks terrible. Every morning she wakes up with a new boo boo on her face. Most of them are on her chin, but the one this morning was on her forehead. Then yesterday she woke up with a terrible corneal abrasion. She kept her eyes closed all day and the only time she opened them was because she wanted to go to the airport to get GiGi and we told her she couldn’t go because she couldn’t open her eyes. She forced them open so she could see her GiGi.

Before I start into the last 2 days, let me say that I am SO glad that I was able to be here with Ella. The poor girl wasn’t feeling well at all, and I was more than thankful that I was here to cuddle with her help her feel better.

Yesterday Ella woke up at 8:00, went back to bed at 9. Woke up around 11:30, went back to bed around 12:30. Woke up at 3, went back to bed at 3:30, and woke up at 5. That’s a lot of sleeping for Ella! And when she was awake all she wanted was for me to rock with her. I kept giving her Tylenol and putting ointment on her eye, but those will only help so much. At least she slept a lot, which gave her eyes a lot of rest and time to heal.

Once we got home from the airport she was acting a lot better and seemed to be perking up. I was sure that with a good nights rest she would wake up this morning and be ready to go. Unfortunately, this morning once again she wouldn’t open her eyes. She didn’t sleep as much today, but she did lay and listen to the TV until about 11:30. Then suddenly, she perked up and was fine for most of the day. She and GiGi played, she drew pictures for GiGi and showed her how she can write her own name, we went for a tricycle ride and they played outside with chalk. Metti even came over and played for a few minutes. Unfortunately, when Ella went to sleep for her nap, something happened again and when she woke up she wouldn’t open her eyes. She was only awake for a couple of hours before going back to sleep.

Please continue to pray for Ella’s eyes, particularly her left eye. They both are really causing problems and it hurts me that she wants so bad to play with GiGi and just can’t. Also, due to her eyes hurting, Ella hasn’t eaten much the past couple of days. I’m not too worried yet, but if she doesn’t eat well tomorrow I may start to worry. We can’t have her losing weight…she’s too small as it is.

And as EB in all its terribleness would have it, this afternoon when she was feeling good and playing, she was leaning down to play with one of her toys, and she slipped, hitting her cheek on the toy and causing 2 big boo boos. The girl seriously looks like she’s been through battle.

It’s just not fair. It’s not fair that a sweet 3 year old can’t even play with her own toys without falling and getting a big boo boo. It’s not fair that she can’t play with her GiGi who flew all day and came over 1,500 miles to see her. It’s not fair that she had to skip her beloved church school 2 days in a row because her eyes hurt so bad she can’t open them. Stupid EB.

Firsts

First Day on the Job: I had high hopes for my first day as a SAHM. Metti was still going to be over, so she would take care of Ella while I took care of some errands and cleaned up a bit. Unfortunately Metti got sick and wasn’t able to come in, so it was just me and Ella. Between balancing Ella and trying to take care of my to do list, I barely had any time to sit down. When we got in the car to run some errands I finally got to take a load off for a few minutes. Wow, this whole SAHM thing is going to be harder than I thought! As it ended up, I got much of the house cleaned and prepared for GiGi’s arrival today, I got my errands taken care of, and Ella and I got some quality play time in.

I knew Ella missed having me around during the day, but I think it really hit me on Friday. Usually I’m showered before she wakes up, and I am getting ready for work while she and Metti get ready for the day, so she doesn’t really see me do all of that. She just sees the completes product, then me leaving, and that’s it. Friday when she woke up and I was here, then while she was watching cartoons I jumped in the shower. She cried the entire time I was in the shower. She kept saying, “Mommy, don’t go.” It was heartbreaking and made me feel terrible for all the times she woke up and I was already gone. When I got out of the shower she and I had a long talk about how mommy didn’t work anymore and now it was always going to be mommy and Ella time and how mommy wasn’t going anywhere. For the rest of the day she would periodically say, “Mommy, you’re staying with Ella. Mommy, you’re not going anywhere.”

First Sick Day: I guess if there is good news in this, it’s that Ella hasn’t caught the terrible cold that is going around her classroom. Metti was sick on Friday, and Saturday we were supposed to go to a birthday party for one of her classmates, and the poor boy woke up with a fever. That’s not a good way to spend your birthday! The bad news is that Ella appears to have another corneal abrasion, similar to this one that we posted about last year. She was up every hour last night crying that her eye hurt and asking for medicine. When she got up this morning I thought she would just power though it like she does so many aches and pains that come along with this terrible disease, but she just couldn’t. She kept crying that her eye hurt and that she couldn’t open it. I asked her if she wanted to go to church school or if she wanted to stay home with me. She said, “I want to stay with mommy and rockie.” Yep, that’s the sure sign that she isn’t feeling well.

Ella gets corneal abrasions occasionally, in fact she had one last week, but usually they are just small scratches and we just keep ointment on in throughout the day and night and she’s fine. She just goes about her business like nothing is wrong. This is only the second time one has hurt her enough that she wouldn’t open her eyes. She fell back asleep around 9 am, and is napping peacefully, so hopefully the rest will help her eye heal quickly. Please pray for quick healing so that she can get back to church school tomorrow with her friends.

Like I mentioned above, GiGi is coming today! We’re very excited to have her visit for a couple of weeks. And this is our last week with Metti. Unfortunately due to her cold she’s out again today, so hopefully we’ll see her tomorrow. I’ll keep you updated on Ella’s eye. I’m just praying for a quick recovery so that she can get back in the swing of things.

A New Job

Today I started a new job. I will be working longer hours with more labor intensive work. I’ll be waking up earlier and going to bed more tired. I’m taking a pay cut, losing all of my sick days and I won’t ever get promoted…and I couldn’t be happier!

Meet my new boss

Today the Murray’s start a new chapter of our lives. A new chapter that began 3 weeks ago when I walked into my boss’ office and gave my resignation. Yep, I’m now a SAHM (stay at home mom). No more 8 am breakfasts , no more 5 pm receptions, no more shaking hands with Congressmen/women, no more blackberry, no more monitoring votes, no more hour plus meetings, no more sitting in hearings for hours on end, no more acronyms, no more suits…no more.

The decision process began when we received Metti’s wedding announcement in the mail. We knew it was coming, but I guess we had been in denial about it. However, once we got that little envelope there was no ignoring the reality. Metti is getting married. This is great news, don’t get me wrong. We’re very happy for Metti…and she WILL be coming back…if she were going to be gone forever we might just follow her. Unfortunately (for us…fortunately for her) she’s getting married in her home country of Ethiopia. Given that it’s such a long trip, and given that she hasn’t been back for a visit in nearly 10 years, she and her fiancé decided to make it a long visit, so she’ll be gone for nearly 2 months. We’re going to miss her during that time, but it’s going to be a great trip for her and we’re excited that she’ll be coming back as a married lady!

Making the official decision to become a SAHM was not an easy one. We explored all of our options and prayed diligently about what was the right thing to do. We talked to several people about it and got input from those we trust. To be quite honest, Joe and I didn’t fully agree on the decision. We had countless discussions with each of us stating our thoughts. After yet another discussion, I was extremely frustrated and needed some “me” time to process things. I got in my car to head to the grocery store and said a quick prayer, “Lord, you either have to change my heart, or you have to change Joe’s. I don’t care whose heart you change, but this isn’t going to work unless we’re on the same page.” That night we came to a decision. God had worked his magic and we both agreed that the best step for our family was for me to completely quit my job and stay home with Ella. In January we’ll reevaluate and see where we are. It may be that I need to get another job at that time.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. This is a HUGE leap of faith for us. We trust that God will continue to keep a roof over our heads and food on our table. I’m scared to lose the primary thing that gives me my own identity. I’m no longer going to be “Katie, working professional who also happens to be a wife and mom.” I’m now going to be, “Katie, Joe’s wife.” Or “Katie, Ella’s mom.” I’m scared that I won’t like it...what if I just don't like not having a job? I'm scared that I won't be good at it...what if I'm not as "Donna Reed" as I am in my own mind? I'm scared that I won't like Ella as much as I do now...what if I go crazy dealing with a 3 year old all the time and lose my ability to have adult conversation? I’m scared I’ll lose my reason for actually “getting ready” in the morning and I’ll turn into the mom that never fixes her hair, never wears make up and has holes in her ratty sweat pants that she wears every day.

But I’m also excited! I’m excited to spend more than a couple of hours a day with Ella. I’m excited to teach her new things. I’m excited for play groups that I hear other moms talk about. I’m excited to meet friends for lunch. I’m excited to actually be able to plan dinner rather than just throw it together at the last minute. I’m excited to feel like I’m in control of what happens in our house, instead of feeling like an observer that stops in once in awhile.

So here we are, beginning a new phase. I'll miss what what I had, but I'm really excited about what lies ahead.