Firsts

First Day on the Job: I had high hopes for my first day as a SAHM. Metti was still going to be over, so she would take care of Ella while I took care of some errands and cleaned up a bit. Unfortunately Metti got sick and wasn’t able to come in, so it was just me and Ella. Between balancing Ella and trying to take care of my to do list, I barely had any time to sit down. When we got in the car to run some errands I finally got to take a load off for a few minutes. Wow, this whole SAHM thing is going to be harder than I thought! As it ended up, I got much of the house cleaned and prepared for GiGi’s arrival today, I got my errands taken care of, and Ella and I got some quality play time in.

I knew Ella missed having me around during the day, but I think it really hit me on Friday. Usually I’m showered before she wakes up, and I am getting ready for work while she and Metti get ready for the day, so she doesn’t really see me do all of that. She just sees the completes product, then me leaving, and that’s it. Friday when she woke up and I was here, then while she was watching cartoons I jumped in the shower. She cried the entire time I was in the shower. She kept saying, “Mommy, don’t go.” It was heartbreaking and made me feel terrible for all the times she woke up and I was already gone. When I got out of the shower she and I had a long talk about how mommy didn’t work anymore and now it was always going to be mommy and Ella time and how mommy wasn’t going anywhere. For the rest of the day she would periodically say, “Mommy, you’re staying with Ella. Mommy, you’re not going anywhere.”

First Sick Day: I guess if there is good news in this, it’s that Ella hasn’t caught the terrible cold that is going around her classroom. Metti was sick on Friday, and Saturday we were supposed to go to a birthday party for one of her classmates, and the poor boy woke up with a fever. That’s not a good way to spend your birthday! The bad news is that Ella appears to have another corneal abrasion, similar to this one that we posted about last year. She was up every hour last night crying that her eye hurt and asking for medicine. When she got up this morning I thought she would just power though it like she does so many aches and pains that come along with this terrible disease, but she just couldn’t. She kept crying that her eye hurt and that she couldn’t open it. I asked her if she wanted to go to church school or if she wanted to stay home with me. She said, “I want to stay with mommy and rockie.” Yep, that’s the sure sign that she isn’t feeling well.

Ella gets corneal abrasions occasionally, in fact she had one last week, but usually they are just small scratches and we just keep ointment on in throughout the day and night and she’s fine. She just goes about her business like nothing is wrong. This is only the second time one has hurt her enough that she wouldn’t open her eyes. She fell back asleep around 9 am, and is napping peacefully, so hopefully the rest will help her eye heal quickly. Please pray for quick healing so that she can get back to church school tomorrow with her friends.

Like I mentioned above, GiGi is coming today! We’re very excited to have her visit for a couple of weeks. And this is our last week with Metti. Unfortunately due to her cold she’s out again today, so hopefully we’ll see her tomorrow. I’ll keep you updated on Ella’s eye. I’m just praying for a quick recovery so that she can get back in the swing of things.

A New Job

Today I started a new job. I will be working longer hours with more labor intensive work. I’ll be waking up earlier and going to bed more tired. I’m taking a pay cut, losing all of my sick days and I won’t ever get promoted…and I couldn’t be happier!

Meet my new boss

Today the Murray’s start a new chapter of our lives. A new chapter that began 3 weeks ago when I walked into my boss’ office and gave my resignation. Yep, I’m now a SAHM (stay at home mom). No more 8 am breakfasts , no more 5 pm receptions, no more shaking hands with Congressmen/women, no more blackberry, no more monitoring votes, no more hour plus meetings, no more sitting in hearings for hours on end, no more acronyms, no more suits…no more.

The decision process began when we received Metti’s wedding announcement in the mail. We knew it was coming, but I guess we had been in denial about it. However, once we got that little envelope there was no ignoring the reality. Metti is getting married. This is great news, don’t get me wrong. We’re very happy for Metti…and she WILL be coming back…if she were going to be gone forever we might just follow her. Unfortunately (for us…fortunately for her) she’s getting married in her home country of Ethiopia. Given that it’s such a long trip, and given that she hasn’t been back for a visit in nearly 10 years, she and her fiancé decided to make it a long visit, so she’ll be gone for nearly 2 months. We’re going to miss her during that time, but it’s going to be a great trip for her and we’re excited that she’ll be coming back as a married lady!

Making the official decision to become a SAHM was not an easy one. We explored all of our options and prayed diligently about what was the right thing to do. We talked to several people about it and got input from those we trust. To be quite honest, Joe and I didn’t fully agree on the decision. We had countless discussions with each of us stating our thoughts. After yet another discussion, I was extremely frustrated and needed some “me” time to process things. I got in my car to head to the grocery store and said a quick prayer, “Lord, you either have to change my heart, or you have to change Joe’s. I don’t care whose heart you change, but this isn’t going to work unless we’re on the same page.” That night we came to a decision. God had worked his magic and we both agreed that the best step for our family was for me to completely quit my job and stay home with Ella. In January we’ll reevaluate and see where we are. It may be that I need to get another job at that time.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. This is a HUGE leap of faith for us. We trust that God will continue to keep a roof over our heads and food on our table. I’m scared to lose the primary thing that gives me my own identity. I’m no longer going to be “Katie, working professional who also happens to be a wife and mom.” I’m now going to be, “Katie, Joe’s wife.” Or “Katie, Ella’s mom.” I’m scared that I won’t like it...what if I just don't like not having a job? I'm scared that I won't be good at it...what if I'm not as "Donna Reed" as I am in my own mind? I'm scared that I won't like Ella as much as I do now...what if I go crazy dealing with a 3 year old all the time and lose my ability to have adult conversation? I’m scared I’ll lose my reason for actually “getting ready” in the morning and I’ll turn into the mom that never fixes her hair, never wears make up and has holes in her ratty sweat pants that she wears every day.

But I’m also excited! I’m excited to spend more than a couple of hours a day with Ella. I’m excited to teach her new things. I’m excited for play groups that I hear other moms talk about. I’m excited to meet friends for lunch. I’m excited to actually be able to plan dinner rather than just throw it together at the last minute. I’m excited to feel like I’m in control of what happens in our house, instead of feeling like an observer that stops in once in awhile.

So here we are, beginning a new phase. I'll miss what what I had, but I'm really excited about what lies ahead.

Hollow Leg

Yes, I know it has been awhile since I posted. We’ve had a lot going on lately. I did feel like I needed to let you all know that church school continues to be a huge success. Ella loves going every day! Each morning she has school she wakes up and picks out her clothes, then picks out a bow to match. She is quick to get dressed and eat breakfast because she knows that as soon as she’s done she gets to go to church school.

Ella’s favorite thing at school is to be the Weather Helper. Metti said that she chooses this role almost every day. It means that she gets to look out the window and determine what the weather is. Then she goes and chooses the weather sign that matches what it looks like outside, and she puts it on the weather board. I, of course, have not seen this in person, but from what I get from my conversations with Ella, this is how it works.

The biggest news is that it seems preschool has given Ella a hollow leg. This child eats like she has never eaten before! The other night Grammy Janet was visiting and made a meatloaf. Ella had 3 helpings…yes, 3…and her carrots and I believe she also had macaroni and cheese. I think it’s a combination of 3 things: 1) she’s more active than she has ever been before, 2) she sees the other kids shoveling food in their faces so she decided that she should be doing that too, and 3) she’s having a growth spurt. Ella’s knees are rough right now (actually, the area right below her knees, between her knee cap and shin) and when that happens it’s usually a sign that her skin is stretching and she’s getting taller. I know one thing for sure…her tummy is getting bigger! Maybe some height will stretch out her tummy and it won’t stick out so much.

Yes, Grammy Janet was in town for a few nights and Ella loved hanging out with her. When we told Ella that Grammy was coming to visit, Ella started talking about how they were going to make chocolate cupcakes with brown frosting. She even went into detail about how she was going to put the flour into the bowl and the eggs, and she’d mix it up. She talked about these cupcakes for several days before Grammy’s arrival. Luckily when Grammy arrived I had been to the store and bought special gluten free chocolate cupcake mix and chocolate frosting…with rainbow sprinkles. The next day Ella put on her special apron and hat and helped Grammy make the cupcakes. Oddly enough Ella gets much more excited about making the cupcakes than she does actually eating them. She’ll eat them a little bit, but she prefers a piece of cake. I’m not sure why since it’s the same thing, but if she has a piece of cake she’ll eat the whole thing. She’ll only eat half of her cupcake. I think she doesn’t like picking it up to eat it.

In other exciting Murray news, I have been officially sworn in to the Fraternal Order of Eagles in Alexandria! You know how much Joe and I love the Eagles, so we decided that it was time to just go ahead and join. My swearing in was last week, but I don’t know when Joe’s is going to be. We’re really excited to make our membership official.

GiGi is coming to visit next week. I know she and Ella will have just as much fun as Grammy Janet and Ella had. Ella is eager to show off her new tricks like writing her own name and coloring in the lines.

Top 10 things we love about preschool…so far

10. New clothes! Everyone knows that one of the best things about going back to school is that you get a bunch of new clothes!

9. Less TV time. She’s actually doing activities that stimulate her mind. She loves each and every activity they do and tells Joe and me all about them at night. She even goes into detail about how she executed her art project that day…Thursday they ripped paper…very exciting stuff.

8. I know that at least 3 days a week she’ll be spending a solid hour outside getting fresh air and sunlight. And now that the weather is actually enjoyable, this makes going outside even better.

7. Ella has learned to write her name and how to use scissors. Have I mentioned that our 3 year old daughter is a genius? How many 3 year olds can already write their own name? And scissors…with webbed fingers…very impressive!

6. She’s much more physical and not being carried around as much. She walks the entire time she’s at preschool, so now she walks more when we’re out and about.

5. Ella is making friends. She will even talk about her new friends at school and tell us their names.

4. She is excited to go to church! Not that she’s ever been afraid of church, but to Ella church meant a lot of people she doesn’t know coming up and talking to her. Now church means fun fun fun!

3. She already comprehends more. Maybe this is all in my head, but I feel like suddenly she started understanding that one thing leads to another. For example, if you finish all of your dinner then you get dessert. Or that in order to read a book, you have to first get in your jammies, then brush your teeth.

2. Last night we went to some friends house for dinner. Before she started preschool Ella would have been upset at the thought of going to someones house for dinner. Last night we told Ella that we were going to Molly’s house and she was so excited and talked about it for the rest of the day. When we arrived she didn’t hide her face or ask to go home. Also, we’re having company over for dinner tonight and when we told Ella she started telling me all about what we were having for dinner with our friends.

1. Since Ella has started seeing other kids eating, she has started eating twice as much food in half the time. Ella has always been a slow eater, and sometimes it gets really annoying to have her sit for 45 minutes barely taking bite after bite. Now that she sees other kids shoveling food down, she has started to model their behavior…and we love it!

Cons:

1. Ella has always been a talker…and now that she has many more exciting things to talk about, she pretty much talks non-stop. I find that I spend much more time giving one-word responses like, “Ok.” or “Really?” or even, “Wow!”

While I realize that a lot of these things might just be happening because Ella's 3, I have to give some credit to preschool because in the last week we have already noticed a big difference in our girl.

Roots and Wings

The job of a parent is to give your children roots to grow and wings to fly.

I remember when I was in college, my parents and I were down visiting my grandparents farm in Texas…it was probably Thanksgiving or something. Anyway, my mom was looking out the window at a tree and started crying. In that tree was a nest with a momma bird and her baby. The momma was trying to teach her baby to fly, so she would gently nudge her closer to the edge of the nest. I’m sure it was scary for the baby, but I guarantee it was even scarier for the momma. However, she knew what she had to do. Her job as the mom was to teach her baby to fly. At that time for my mom, I was in college and my brother was working in Texas. We were both adults and had left our home of Wyoming to explore new adventures. I know us leaving home was hard on my parents, but they also knew that it was what we needed to do…it was what they had raised us to do. They had given us wings, and now we were using those wings. But they had also given us roots…a strong foundation in their love and support, which gave us the confidence to go out.

Today Ella started preschool. I cried…a lot. What happened to my baby? But as hard as it is for me, I know that this is the right step. Ella is ready. She talked about going to “church school” all morning. She picked out her outfit and ate her entire pancake for breakfast. When we arrived we went into the bathroom and washed her hands like a big girl, then headed to her classroom. She walked in like she owned the place. No looking back…just looking ahead and checking out all that was to be her new classroom. She was spreading her wings. As I kissed her goodbye I started to cry. I told her that I love her and that I am so proud of her. Ella was unphased. She walked over to the table and pointed at her name sign, and that was it…she was off on her own. Honestly, I don’t think she even cared that Metti was with her. As much as I want to, I can’t hold Ella’s hand her entire life. This is where it’s my turn to grow. Just as preschool is teaching Ella to grow and spread her wings, it’s teaching me to let her grow.

When I picked her up 4 hours later (the longest 4 hours of my life!), Ella had been crying. My heart broke for her. Metti assured me that she had been fine all day and that as soon as the teacher announced that it was time to go, Ella suddenly burst into tears. She was exhausted and was asleep within minutes of getting home.

It was a big day for all of us. Ella got to spread her little baby wings and venture out onto her own, and Joe and I had to learn to let her go. It’s a good step and she’s already talking about going back tomorrow.