Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 34…despite the fact that Ella told Metti I was 44. The child also said, “WOAH!!!” with big eyes when I told her my age, so I’m assuming she doesn’t really get the whole aging process. And if she does get it, then I really need to work with her on hiding her true thoughts.

Sunday afternoon Ella and Joe made me a birthday cake…white cake with white rainbow chip frosting. It was covered in sprinkles and had “Happy B-day Mom!” written on top, with a candy Sponge Bob and a candy Patrick. Every year Joe makes me a birthday cake and I love it! Homemade cakes are WAY better than anything store bought, and I love it because I know he’s not really the cooking type. This is the one time a year where Joe turns on the oven and actually mixes something together that will go inside the oven. Usually he sticks to breakfast and grilling…sometimes he makes breakfast on the grill. Joe also cooked us a wonderful chicken dinner.

I spent the day doing laundry and watching Sixteen Candles. Not too exciting, but just what I wanted to do. Ella was very excited about the presents. She helped me open them and was so excited to tell me about each one. She told me earlier in the week that if I wanted to, I could get her a princess doll for my birthday. I’m sure she was pretty disappointed when none of my presents were from the princess collection…although she did help Joe pick out some fancy monkey slippers. They remind me of the sock monkey's my great grandmother used to make.

My 25th birthday was by far the hardest I’ve had to date. At the time I was in a job that I didn’t really enjoy and didn’t really have a future. I was living in a house with a million other people, and I wasn’t married or even dating anyone seriously. I felt like my life was not anywhere near where I expected to be at 25. I think that birthday gave me a chance to refocus and rethink where I was headed. Within a year I had moved to DC, gotten a new job that I loved, and was living on my own. 2 years after I turned 25 I met Joe.

My 30th birthday was easy. I was happily married and Ella was getting ready to make her entrance into the world. My mom and husband threw me an awesome surprise party and baby shower! I felt like life was on track and I was enjoying every step.

So here I am…on the brink of 35. I feel like 35 is D-day. Why? Because at 34 there are still a lot of things I want, family wise. I want more kids…more than anything, I want more kids. Unfortunately our current life circumstances dictate that more kids just aren’t possible right now. And any woman knows that once you turn 35 your chances of having a successful, healthy pregnancy are greatly reduced. Yes, logically I know many women go on to have several precious children after 35. I know that in my head, but I can’t convince my heart not to worry. I feel like we have 1 year to get the ball rolling, and if we don’t get started soon then we’ll be out of luck…the window of opportunity will have passed us by. Yes, there’s always adoption, but that falls into the “current life circumstances” category…ie. it’s expensive. All that to say, while yesterday was a great day and I loved celebrating with my family, I felt a bit unsettled…like time is slipping right through my fingers. It’s hard to explain.

Anyway, I had a great day and Joe really went to great lengths to make it special. I was a good girl and waited all day to open my presents. They were sitting on the living room coffee table all day until after dinner and I didn’t even take one peek! After dinner Becky and her boyfriend, Brian, came over and had cake with us while we all wore Sponge Bob birthday hats. All in all it was a fabulous birthday!


Wanda Wilkinson said...

Happy birthday a day late. Glad tonhear you had a great day. I had 2 little ones in mid thirties. I was 3 weeks away from turning 34 when my first son was born & 35 when my dgt was born. Everything was fine.

Enjoy your time with beautiful Ella

dteisemanN@gmail.com said...

I just had Jonah at 36.5 years old and I think we'll try for number 2 when I'm 38. I'm a little scared, about the next one and having a safe pregnancy, but if you think about it, tons of people in this area have kids even later than that age, so don't sweat it. As far as adoption is concerned, it might be more than you guys are willing to take on, but I just learned today by reading something from Susie Phillps that you can get adoption loans.

Donielle said...

Not that it will help you feel better, but Emery was born when I was 37. I hope to have another. I understand what you are feeling though, most annoying is when they refer to you as " advanced maternal age" Annoying. BUT the fun part is insurance paid for lots of extra testing if I wanted it and I felt like everything was very safe and thorough. Happy Birthday lady, that cake looked awesome.

FinsUp said...

I covet those sock monkey slippers.

Paige said...

Happy birthday, you are one lucky lady! I giggled when I saw EVERYONE had a party hat! Too cute!