Picture Day

Today is the big day!  Quite possibly the most important day of the school year.  Last night Ella picked out her clothes specifically because the hearts on the shirt match her new hot pink glasses with hearts on them.  She got to bed early so that she would be good and rested.  I meant to give her a haircut, but didn’t get around to it, so it looks like she’ll be wearing a pony tail.  It doesn't matter...she'll look cute anyway.

In honor of this important day for kids across America, here’s is a special song written and performed by Ella’s uncle Curby.

Hello out there

Hello out there in Blogland.  Things at the Murray house are pretty low key, so I don’t really have much to update you on.  I just wanted to make sure you knew you weren’t forgotten.

I realize that I haven’t yet done an update on Ella starting first grade.  Yes, our girl is in first grade and so far she loves every minute of it!  Thankfully she’s in the same school and has the same aide as last year, so she has a lot of consistency, which is good.

Unfortunately Ella’s primary teacher has been out of school with health issues, so she started school with a substitute.  Luckily the sub has experience teaching first grade and has been great for Ella.  Ella’s primary teacher is expected back in the classroom full time in October, but she’s been making visits to the classroom periodically this month.  When we went to the school for Back to School Night Ella told me ahead of time, “Mom, Ms. K is SO pretty!  I’m not even joking!”  When we left, after I met her teacher, Ella said, “See mom, isn’t she pretty?  Was I right?”

Ella was sad that she didn’t have many of her friends from last year in her class this year, but I am confident she’s going to make a lot of new friends.  Most disappointing was that her best friend isn’t in her class, but they see each other at lunch every day and wave to each other in the hall.

Today is Ella’s first field trip as a first grader, as well as her first field trip without mom tagging along.  I would have gone if they needed another chaperone, or if Ella’s aide wasn’t able to make it.  But truth be told, I’m glad I don’t have to go on this one.  It’s going to involve a lot of walking and I’m not sure my 30 week pregnant body could handle it.

Just a short update on the baby front, I’m almost 30 weeks, which puts me officially in the third trimester.  Only 10 more weeks to go and we have A LOT of things to get done before he arrives.

Truth be told, we haven’t done much prep work.  We have an awesome crib that has been given to us, but it’s not put together yet.  And we still have the rocker from when Ella was a baby, but it needs some simple repair work.  Before you get too worried, let me say that Ella was born on Thursday June 21, 2007.  I worked on Tuesday June 19^th and on Wednesday June 20^th my parents and I spent all day setting up her room.  My attitude on the whole thing was that she was going to spend the first several weeks of life sleeping next to me in a bassinet, so why stress about the room.  It worked out for us.  We still have the bassinet (granted, it’s in the attic, but at least we have it) and we have a little Moses basket that was given to us.  We have plenty of clothes and a pack of diapers to get us started, so even if we don’t get the room ready by the time he arrives, at least he’ll have a place to sleep and a clean bottom.

We do, however, have to purchase a new car seat.  One of the frustrations of having children 6 years apart is that car seats expire after 5 years.  That means that we can’t use the car seat we used for Ella.  I feel like it’s such a waste!  It’s a very nice car seat, has never been in a wreck and is in great, barely used condition.  It’s sad to know that we have to just throw it out.

Yes, we have a name.  No, we’re not telling anyone.  When I was expecting Ella we got a lot of negative feedback on the boy name that we had picked out.  So much so that we ended up changing it…well, not changing the actual name, just the nickname.  No one liked our nickname and you can only hear “Oh, that’s different” so many times before it echoes in your head for all eternity.  This time around we’ve decided to keep the name a secret so no one can taint it for us, and no, it’s not the same name we had chosen for Ella.

I have gained A LOT of weight!  In fact, I’ve already gained as much weight as I did with my entire pregnancy with Ella.  While this is not ideal, we are praying for a big baby so at least the weight gain shows that he’s well on his way to being a BIG boy!

That’s about it for us.  I wish I had more exciting things to report, but at least for now things are pretty low key.

A True Friend

Since the day Ella was born there’s something I’ve been secretly scared of.  I’ve never actually verbalized this before, but it’s something that has always been there, in the back of my mind.  The killer question that I’m sure all parents face…will other kids like my kid.  Ie. Will she have any friends?

I like Ella.  Not just because she’s my kid (although that definitely helps) but I genuinely like her.  She has a great personality, she has a good sense of humor, she’s easy to get along with, and she’s nice.  But she’s also shy.  And I can’t help but wonder if the awesome kid I see at home translates to school.  I also get nervous because since Ella can’t physically keep up with the other kids, how do they actually get to know her?  Unless they are willing to stop running around and sit with her and play a calm, sitting game, the likelihood that they will get to know her is pretty slim.  As great as kids are, lets face the facts…most of them like running around.  Skipping recess to sit and play a calm game is not a choice many kids would make.

Ella had friends during preschool.  In fact, during Pre-K a little girl in her class declared that she was Ella’s best friend.  But these friendships pretty much ended once school finished.  If they have continued, it’s because Joe and I are friends with the parents and have made an effort to get the girls together.

Ella also has friends at church, but most of these kids have known Ella her entire life.  We are also friends with their parents, so in a way, their friendship was forced upon them.

On Friday night the PTA at Ella’s school had a hot dog picnic.  While we were waiting in line I saw a little girl from Ella’s kindergarten class last year.  (Ella declared that she was/is her best friend.)  I turned Ella around in her stroller so that she could wave to her friend.  As soon as her friend saw her she ran away from her mom and over to Ella to say hi.

She was genuinely excited to see Ella!  It wasn’t a fake, ‘I’m just trying to be nice’ hello.  It wasn’t a ‘my mom is forcing me to come over here’ hello.  It wasn’t even an ‘I’m just being nice to you because you’re different’ hello.  It was a genuine, ‘I’m excited to see my friend’ hello.  It took everything in my pregnant, overly emotional body not to start crying.

We spent the picnic sitting on a blanket with this girl and her mom, and it was great to see Ella and her friend.  The girl would do things she knew would make Ella laugh, and Ella would oblige.  In return, Ella did things she knew were funny and her friend laughed.  They talked 6 year old talk, and just hung out together.  When we left the girl once again ran over to us to wave goodbye as we were walking down the sidewalk.

This was an awesome thing to see as a mom!  We did not know this family prior to kindergarten.  And even then, I didn’t meet her parents until after our girls had already established a friendship.  They are both only children, so they kind of speak the same language.  When Ella had to stay inside during recess because it was too hot, this girl often volunteered to stay inside with her.  On field trips this girl was always so excited to be stuck with Ella and me for the day.  She was willing to take a slower pace and would volunteer to push Ella’s stroller so I could have a break.  She never seemed to mind that we operate a bit differently than the rest of the kids.  She was just happy to be with Ella.

This girl is a true friend to Ella.  She likes her for no other reason than she just likes her.  She’s not forced into it.  She’s not guilted into it.  Any they aren’t friends because there’s no one else around.  They are just real, true friends.  And that makes me one VERY happy mom.

The Final Week

This is the last week of summer vacation before school starts.  Yes, here in Northern VA school starts a bit later than the rest of the country.  On the other hand, school didn’t get out until the end of June so it all balances out.

Both Ella and I are ready for school to start.  She misses her friends, and quite frankly, she’s bored.  Last summer was a busy one.  We spent most of the summer running around with activities, visiting family and all in all having a great time.  Unfortunately by the end of the summer we were all exhausted and needed some time to just relax.

This summer I decided to take the opposite approach…we did nothing.  Well, not really nothing, just not nearly as much as we did last summer.  This year she had 1 week of VBS, we took a trip to NJ to visit family, and we went to Cincinnati/Indianapolis/Hershey for a week.  Other than that, we spent the summer going to $1 movies and hanging out at home.  At the beginning of the summer I was convinced this was a great idea.  As the summer has progressed I can now see the error of my ways.  My poor kid is bored out of her gourd.  She is itching for some activity…any activity.

We’re at the point now where every morning she wakes up and the first thing she asks me is, “Are we going to do anything fun today?”  And I’m at the point where I have to make up fun activities, “Yes!  We’re going to BJ’s!!!”  One day I needed to go to Target and BJ’s both, but in an effort to spread out the activities, I decided to go to Target one day, and save BJ’s for the next.

Fortunately this week we do have several fun activities including Chuck E. Cheese’s and her school Open House where she’ll meet her new teacher and see what friends are in her class.

Due to our lack of activity, there really isn’t much to report on this end.  Once school starts back next week I hope to have more exciting things to report on.

A Fine Line

People often ask me if I get annoyed being asked about Ella all the time.  In complete and utter honesty…no.  Most of the time it really doesn’t bother me that people ask about Ella.  I’m not oblivious to the fact that she looks different than typical children.  I’m well aware that when others see her they don’t see your every day, run of the mill 6 year old child.

I feel incredibly fortunate to live where we do.  Washington, DC is a vast quilt.  We live in a melting pot for every kind of culture, religion, ability, age, artistic expression, attire, and the list goes on.  Being “different” in DC isn’t nearly as out of the ordinary as it is in other parts of the country.  That said, while we are surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people, our neighborhood is quite small.  I often joke that everything we need is within a 3 mile radius of our house.  I always shop at the same grocery store, which means that most of the cashiers have seen Ella numerous times.  We have gone to the same pediatrician since she was born.  We have used the same pharmacy since she was born.  Our neighborhood is full of kids who go to school with Ella, so when we see them out and about they don’t react because they see her every day at school.  When we eat out we usually hit up the same 10 restaurants, so they don’t even give a second look and in most cases, they are on a first name basis with Ella. 

Joe and I decided long ago that we had 2 choices: 1) Stay home all the time and raise Ella in a bubble, or 2) Go out into the world and learn to ignore all of the stares and answer the questions as open and honestly as we can.  The truth is, a majority of the people who come up to us are genuinely interested in what happened and are only asking out of compassion.  Most people assume she has been in some sort of fire and feel like they can offer help.  I appreciate that they want to help and am perfectly fine informing them about EB.  Of course there are those few that choose to give dirty looks or make rude comments, and there are definitely those that assume I’m a bad mom and she’s been left out in the sun for too long, or I’m feeding her too much sugar.  But for the most part, people are kind.

Unfortunately, Monday I had one of those terrible experiences that made me want erupt.  Monday I decided that we were going to have a mommy and Ella day.  Nothing too exciting, just a day out of the house for us to spend together before school starts back in a couple of weeks.  It started with a trip to Target to buy school supplies.  Ella read each item on the list perfectly while I pushed the carriage up and down the aisle to grab the items.

Once we finished with Target I told Ella that we were going out to lunch, just us girls, and she could choose any restaurant she wanted to.  It didn’t take her long to decide that she wanted pizza and wanted to eat at a local restaurant where we often eat.  In fact, when we arrived Ella’s first question was whether or not her favorite waitress, Betty, was working.  Betty was not working, but that’s beside the point.  We sat in our booth and soon placed our order.  As we were waiting for the pizza to arrive, I decided to take Ella’s picture and text it to Joe.  While I was focusing my phone, Ella got a strange look on her face and started to look at something out of the corner of her eye.  Standing at the end of our booth was the bus-woman (not sure what to call her, but the woman who buses the tables when people leave).  She was staring at Ella very intently, as if she was examining her entire body.  People often stand back and try to get a look at Ella, but within seconds they look away.  And they usually stare from a distance in hopes that mother bear will not catch them in the act.  This woman, however, was standing right at the end of our table.  We were at a 2 seater booth, so she was right upon us.  I looked at her and smiled (this usually triggers something in the person that tells them it’s time to look away)…she still stared.  I asked if I could help her…she just stared.  I ignored her and took Ella’s picture…she continued to stare.  Finally, I started trying to have a conversation with Ella (who was obviously very bothered by this stranger)…the woman STILL stared.  She stood there for probably 10 minutes before finally walking away.  And every time she would walk by to clean another table, I could see her trying to catch a glimpse of my child.

Ella hates being stared at.  She knows how to answer when kids at school ask about her boo boos, and she knows to politely ask them not to stare.  She even knows that it’s not polite for her to stare at other kids.  Most of the long stares come from kids, and the worst are from kids whose parents don’t try to use the opportunity to teach them about what is rude and what isn’t.  There are parents who just stand to the side and let their kids say whatever pops into their mind while Joe and I try to redirect them away from our child.  But this was a grown woman who kept staring for a ridiculous amount of time.  I didn’t want to be rude to her by making a mean comment, yet she was being rude to us.  I wanted to say to her, “Hey Lady!  All I want to do is have a fun lunch with my daughter and all you can do is ruin that lunch by staring at her.  GET BACK TO WORK!”  But I didn’t want to cause a scene.

I don’t think I handled it the right way, by just trying to ignore it.  But I’m not sure what would have been the right way to handle it.  Being a mom is hard.  Being a mom to a non-typical child is really hard.  I want to protect her from those rude people, to yell at those who give her a negative look, or stare for just a minute too long.  But I also want her to learn that rudeness doesn’t always require a negative response.  There are ways to rise above it and hope that the other person learns something in the process.  I want her to see a loving mom who isn’t ashamed of who she is.  A mom who looks beyond the boo boos and answers questions from strangers with love.  Not a mom who walks around with her guard up waiting to attack.  My first responsibility is to Ella.  My job isn’t to teach others what is rude and what isn’t.  My job is to teach Ella how to respond to rude comments and stares with dignity and Godliness.  The last thing I want to raise is a child who walks around with a chip on her shoulder.

I have to admit, I have been known to give rude stares back.  I have been known to say “Stop staring at my kid!”  I have been known to contact a department stores headquarters and report employees who made rude remarks about Ella.  And yes, I’ve been known to yell (yes, full blown yell) at a kid (in front of his father) who came up and said “ewww” while pointing at Ella.  I’m human.  While I know those weren’t the right way to respond either, I also want Ella to see a mom who knows the limit and will stand up for her when necessary.  It’s a fine line between the two, and I’m still learning when to cross.